Shutterstock.com

Are You Hearing or Listening?

Problem-solving, team-engagement, relationships and results all improve when leaders listen better. Here are some tips.

One of the things I’ve said for a long-time as an executive coach is that if you get colleague feedback that you need to be a better listener, take the feedback and start working on it. The positive leadership ripple effects from doing a better job of listening are enormous and wide-spread. Problem-solving, team-engagement, relationships and results all improve when leaders listen better.

I was reminded of this again a few weeks ago when conducting colleague feedback interviews for a new coaching client. One of the colleagues made an interesting distinction between hearing and listening as in, “I think he hears me, but I’m not always sure he’s listening to me.” That distinction between hearing and listening is a simple one but yields a big difference in outcomes.

Hearing is really just sound waves landing on your ear drums. When it stops there, it’s what I call transient listening. You’re on your way to someplace else—physically, mentally or both. You’re basically in transit and not present. How do you know when you’re just hearing and not really listening? Some of the warning signs include:

  • Your focus is on you.
  • Your goal is to wrap up and move on.
  • You feel distracted or impatient.
  • You interrupt to tell your thoughts.

Listening, on the other hand, involves a lot more than your ear drums. When you’re really listening, you’re engaging your brain and the other party’s brain. That’s how you build both connection and value.

From my point of view, there are two basic styles of value-added listening—transactional and transformational. You see a lot of transactional listening at work because it’s the kind of listening that’s best suited to solve a problem or identify a next step. Here are some of the signs that you’re engaging in transactional listening:

  • Your focus is on the other party.
  • Your goal is to move things forward.
  • You feel purposeful and focused.
  • You ask open-ended questions and clarify timelines.

In most organizations, you don’t see a lot of transformational listening. That’s too bad, because it’s the kind of listening that creates the most long-term value. Transformational listening not only engages the brains in the conversation, it quite often engages the hearts. It’s listening with the primary agenda to connect with the other person. Connection builds trust and trust yields results. Here are some of the signs that you’re engaging in transformational listening:

  • Your focus is on the connection between you and the other party.
  • Your goal is to learn more about the other party—what they think, what they value and how they feel.
  • You feel creative, connected and relaxed.
  • You observe with your eyes and are comfortable with silence and build on what’s said.

So, what do you think? Have you been hearing more or listening more lately? If it’s more on the hearing side, I’d suggest you pick one or two of the signs of transactional listening to focus on in your conversations in the coming weeks. If you think you’re already doing a great job on transactional listening, why not look for or create some opportunities for transformational listening in the next few weeks? Based on what my clients have told me over the years about what happens when they engage in transformational listening, I can practically guarantee you’ll be glad you did.

X
This website uses cookies to enhance user experience and to analyze performance and traffic on our website. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners. Learn More / Do Not Sell My Personal Information
Accept Cookies
X
Cookie Preferences Cookie List

Do Not Sell My Personal Information

When you visit our website, we store cookies on your browser to collect information. The information collected might relate to you, your preferences or your device, and is mostly used to make the site work as you expect it to and to provide a more personalized web experience. However, you can choose not to allow certain types of cookies, which may impact your experience of the site and the services we are able to offer. Click on the different category headings to find out more and change our default settings according to your preference. You cannot opt-out of our First Party Strictly Necessary Cookies as they are deployed in order to ensure the proper functioning of our website (such as prompting the cookie banner and remembering your settings, to log into your account, to redirect you when you log out, etc.). For more information about the First and Third Party Cookies used please follow this link.

Allow All Cookies

Manage Consent Preferences

Strictly Necessary Cookies - Always Active

We do not allow you to opt-out of our certain cookies, as they are necessary to ensure the proper functioning of our website (such as prompting our cookie banner and remembering your privacy choices) and/or to monitor site performance. These cookies are not used in a way that constitutes a “sale” of your data under the CCPA. You can set your browser to block or alert you about these cookies, but some parts of the site will not work as intended if you do so. You can usually find these settings in the Options or Preferences menu of your browser. Visit www.allaboutcookies.org to learn more.

Sale of Personal Data, Targeting & Social Media Cookies

Under the California Consumer Privacy Act, you have the right to opt-out of the sale of your personal information to third parties. These cookies collect information for analytics and to personalize your experience with targeted ads. You may exercise your right to opt out of the sale of personal information by using this toggle switch. If you opt out we will not be able to offer you personalised ads and will not hand over your personal information to any third parties. Additionally, you may contact our legal department for further clarification about your rights as a California consumer by using this Exercise My Rights link

If you have enabled privacy controls on your browser (such as a plugin), we have to take that as a valid request to opt-out. Therefore we would not be able to track your activity through the web. This may affect our ability to personalize ads according to your preferences.

Targeting cookies may be set through our site by our advertising partners. They may be used by those companies to build a profile of your interests and show you relevant adverts on other sites. They do not store directly personal information, but are based on uniquely identifying your browser and internet device. If you do not allow these cookies, you will experience less targeted advertising.

Social media cookies are set by a range of social media services that we have added to the site to enable you to share our content with your friends and networks. They are capable of tracking your browser across other sites and building up a profile of your interests. This may impact the content and messages you see on other websites you visit. If you do not allow these cookies you may not be able to use or see these sharing tools.

If you want to opt out of all of our lead reports and lists, please submit a privacy request at our Do Not Sell page.

Save Settings
Cookie Preferences Cookie List

Cookie List

A cookie is a small piece of data (text file) that a website – when visited by a user – asks your browser to store on your device in order to remember information about you, such as your language preference or login information. Those cookies are set by us and called first-party cookies. We also use third-party cookies – which are cookies from a domain different than the domain of the website you are visiting – for our advertising and marketing efforts. More specifically, we use cookies and other tracking technologies for the following purposes:

Strictly Necessary Cookies

We do not allow you to opt-out of our certain cookies, as they are necessary to ensure the proper functioning of our website (such as prompting our cookie banner and remembering your privacy choices) and/or to monitor site performance. These cookies are not used in a way that constitutes a “sale” of your data under the CCPA. You can set your browser to block or alert you about these cookies, but some parts of the site will not work as intended if you do so. You can usually find these settings in the Options or Preferences menu of your browser. Visit www.allaboutcookies.org to learn more.

Functional Cookies

We do not allow you to opt-out of our certain cookies, as they are necessary to ensure the proper functioning of our website (such as prompting our cookie banner and remembering your privacy choices) and/or to monitor site performance. These cookies are not used in a way that constitutes a “sale” of your data under the CCPA. You can set your browser to block or alert you about these cookies, but some parts of the site will not work as intended if you do so. You can usually find these settings in the Options or Preferences menu of your browser. Visit www.allaboutcookies.org to learn more.

Performance Cookies

We do not allow you to opt-out of our certain cookies, as they are necessary to ensure the proper functioning of our website (such as prompting our cookie banner and remembering your privacy choices) and/or to monitor site performance. These cookies are not used in a way that constitutes a “sale” of your data under the CCPA. You can set your browser to block or alert you about these cookies, but some parts of the site will not work as intended if you do so. You can usually find these settings in the Options or Preferences menu of your browser. Visit www.allaboutcookies.org to learn more.

Sale of Personal Data

We also use cookies to personalize your experience on our websites, including by determining the most relevant content and advertisements to show you, and to monitor site traffic and performance, so that we may improve our websites and your experience. You may opt out of our use of such cookies (and the associated “sale” of your Personal Information) by using this toggle switch. You will still see some advertising, regardless of your selection. Because we do not track you across different devices, browsers and GEMG properties, your selection will take effect only on this browser, this device and this website.

Social Media Cookies

We also use cookies to personalize your experience on our websites, including by determining the most relevant content and advertisements to show you, and to monitor site traffic and performance, so that we may improve our websites and your experience. You may opt out of our use of such cookies (and the associated “sale” of your Personal Information) by using this toggle switch. You will still see some advertising, regardless of your selection. Because we do not track you across different devices, browsers and GEMG properties, your selection will take effect only on this browser, this device and this website.

Targeting Cookies

We also use cookies to personalize your experience on our websites, including by determining the most relevant content and advertisements to show you, and to monitor site traffic and performance, so that we may improve our websites and your experience. You may opt out of our use of such cookies (and the associated “sale” of your Personal Information) by using this toggle switch. You will still see some advertising, regardless of your selection. Because we do not track you across different devices, browsers and GEMG properties, your selection will take effect only on this browser, this device and this website.