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I looked through a number of newspapers over the Independence Day weekend for anything that even came close to news about the federal budget. There was nothing.

After several days of vainly searching for something, anything, about the deficit, federal spending or budget politics, I realized I had been looking in the wrong parts of the paper. I wasn't going to find anything in "News" or "Business" - all of the action was being reported in the "Arts" section, where the federal budget seemed to be (or could have been) the basis for most of the movies that were in the theaters.

For example, there was the third version of "Terminator," a movie that could be about the one person on Capitol Hill who still thinks the deficit can be controlled if the small part of the budget made up by appropriated programs is cut.

"Hulk" clearly could be about the largest part of the budget - entitlements and other uncontrollable spending. The fact that this new computer version of Hulk is so much larger than the one we saw in the television series from the late 1970s only lends credence to this theory. After all, entitlements seem to have grown by just about as much as the Hulk character over the past 25 years.

The "Charlie's Angels" sequel could be about the members of the Blue Dogs in the House of Representatives who have been working with one of its longtime leaders - Rep. Charles Stenholm, D-Texas - in his continuing quest for budget sanity.

And the "Matrix Reloaded" could obviously be about the soon-to-be-released midsession review by the Office of Management and Budget. Just as the OMB says it can project the bottom line and model the budget world with a sophisticated computer, the plot of "Matrix" is a computer that models the whole world.

At this point I started to wonder what genre would be most appropriate for a movie about the federal budget. Drama is the first thing that came to mind. But melodrama - which would include heavy use of suspense, sensationalism and extreme overacting - seemed much more appropriate. I quickly came to the conclusion that it would not work, however, when my wife - a professional actress - reminded me that melodramas almost always have happy endings.

Film noir - typically black-and-white movies with low lighting, lots of fog, and corrupt and cynical characters - also seemed like it would work well. You can imagine the story: A down-and-out budget gumshoe works in the dark green and gray hallways of federal buildings lit with institutional lighting to get to the bottom of "The Mystery of the Missing Surplus."

A comedy is the obvious but perhaps far too easy choice. Slapstick ("Abbot and Costello Meet the Budget" or "The Keystone Kops Do the Budget") certainly seems right at first glance. But a comedy of manners, in which the characters make fun of the underlying craziness of civilized society, is also very tempting. Try to imagine Noel Coward having his characters banter about whether the deficit is really a problem after all, and you'll get the picture.

But when you come right down to it, the genre that seems to make the most sense for a movie about the budget is a disaster film. Think about the possibilities: "Towering Debt," "The Deficit that Devoured the Economy" and perhaps even a remake of "The Perfect Storm." It's no contest.

All of which leaves one final question: Who should play the Keanu Reeves character Neo in the OMB version of "Budget Matrix?"

Question Of The Week

Last Week's Question. Given how many federal employees read "Budget Battles," it's not surprising that so many of the responses to last week's question, which asked for a good reason for not changing the start of the federal fiscal year to Jan. 1, cited the unfairness in asking agency budget people to work during the holidays.

But the winner of the "I Won A 2003 Budget Battle" mouse pad is longtime "Budget Battles" reader Steve Abney, who works for the Defense Logistics Agency. Steve came up with what may be the best reason of all for not changing the start of the fiscal year: That no appropriation would ever be voted on before Election Day because the new fiscal year would start almost two months after the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November. That schedule, he notes, would eliminate most of the accountability for budget decisions made by Congress.

Honorable mention (but no mouse pad) goes to Thomas Jones, deputy director for external affairs at the Consortium for Oceanographic Research and Education in Washington, for the most creative answer: "Congressmen shouldn't have to simultaneously consider what goodies to give their constituents in the annual appropriations bills at the same time they are figuring out what goodies to give their families. We could end up with the Buzz Lightyear Space Launch Center in the VA/HUD bill or Thomas the Tank Engine as the prime component of Amtrak's capital plan."

This Week's Question. What could be better than a cool silver, white and red "I Won A 2003 Budget Battle" mouse pad on a hot summer day? Plus, the answer to this question will really come in handy as this year's budget debate winds to a close. The question: What is the last day a supplemental appropriation for the current fiscal year can be adopted by Congress?

Click here to send in your response. Your answer must be received by 5 p.m. PDT on Saturday, July 12, 2003. If there are similar winning answers, the "I Won A 2003 Budget Battle" mouse pad will go to the person selected at random from all those who submit the same response. You must include your mailing address so the mouse pad can be sent if you are the winner.

Note to government employees: Because of security procedures at many offices and facilities, your home address will be the best way to make sure the mouse pad actually gets to you.

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